losing your pride

I think pride is tied to so much more than we even think about... 

Growing up I always felt like I needed and wanted to look and act a certain way. I was always afraid of what everyone would think of everything. I found later in life how judgmental I had actually been for so long. See the thing is how you judge others has so much to do with how you judge yourself. And if I'm being honest, it was really hard to live up to my expectations. I didn't like to share when things were tough because I was afraid of my life not looking like it was all together. 

My pride really got a light shined on it when my life started falling a part and there was absolutely nothing I could do to keep it a secret. I was so embarrassed, so ashamed. And of course the last thing that I wanted to do was tell someone about it. It was an obsessive feeling of needing to have it together, "I would never be the one going through that, I make good decisions". This goes back to the crazy "good works" mindset. I felt like if I was good enough than my life would be good because hey, I deserved it, right?! But on the other side of things when something bad happened to someone I assumed it had something to do with a mistake they had made. Oh I was so mislead. Living with that mindset is so uncomfortable. Always afraid of messing up. I hated making any decisions because I was truly so afraid I'd make the wrong one and screw up my life.  

And along with all of this I became so prideful because when I had a good life it was because I did good. I made the right decisions. It was all thanks to me. What really threw me for a loop was when someone else’s horrible decision affected my life. When someone else made a choice that literally flipped my world upside down. How could this be? Where did I mess up? That's not fair! 

Well come to find out, I didn't screw up. This wasn't a punishment for wrong doing. I was just affected by someone involved in my lifes choice. Because we live in a world of free will. We have freedom of choice. Which means there are consequences to your choices, good and bad. 

My pride was beautifully broken when my world fell apart. I see people from such a different view now. Instead of seeing someone and automatically throwing judgement at them, I wonder what is their story? What have they been through? What made them this way? 

And guess what, I myself live so much free-er because I am not consumed with judgement. Not just on others but to myself. I have learned to be so much more loving and accepting of myself because I see that this is just life. It's not perfect, no one gets a pass. It's messy. It's full of unknowns. But it's also beautiful.  It's full of opportunities. It's full of chances to grow and learn. Full of chances to be better, to love harder. 

Pride doesn't always look like what you think it may, it comes in many different forms.. But one thing that a person full of pride can never get away from is fear. Fear they will screw up, fear someone will find out something they did, fear they may lose it all, fear of not looking absolutely perfect to everyone they encounter. 

You don't find connection through perfection. People aren't interested in perfection. I don't know where this world got so screwed up in our thinking but people want and NEED authenticity. They need to hear about that time you messed up. They need to hear about the struggle you're walking through. Otherwise all your hardships are useless. If you don't teach and grow from your struggles you aren't living out your purpose. People need your story. Otherwise they will sit hopeless. Feeling they can't compare, they'll never make it. 

Something I love reminding myself of in hard times is how many others people have walked through the exact thing I am in and they have made it out alive. They made it through. I am not the only one who struggles, I'm not the only one who has hard times. Tons of other people have already walked this walk. We are all in this together. However I believe the main thing that divides us is pride. Not sharing, not being open, not being honest.

So let your guard down. It's okay. You don't have to be perfect. No one expects you to be perfect and honestly no one even wants it. Give yourself some slack so that you can learn to give others slack as well. We are all human. We all need help sometimes. That is why we are here, not to compete but to share love and life. Together. 

"A flower doesn't think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms" And out of that blooming you will encourage others to bloom as well!