if I choose to grow

"If I choose to grow, maybe she will bloom like a wildflower."

Mamas..

You are doing a great job.

You are wonderful.

You are a great mama.

You love so much.

You are amazing.

You are not alone.

I know how it feels to be exhausted. I get the long days. I know the frustration. I know the mom guilt all too well.

Do they get enough hugs and kisses. Do I discipline like I should. Am I being a good example. Am I spending enough time with them. Are they eating the right foods. Do they brush their teeth enough.

These are just half of the thoughts that run through my head every single day and I am positive that I am not the only one. Actually, I have to remind myself sometimes that you mamas are out there going through the exact same feelings and thoughts. It’s how I keep going somedays.

Something that has drastically changed my thinking and parenting was a message I just recently heard… It talked about how we can get lost on solely the control aspect with our kids, when truly the only things that matters is parenting their heart. And something I’m finding to be more and more true is that parenting is less about your kids and more about YOU.

If in the mess of things at night when your babe won’t go to sleep, won’t go potty, whatever it may be we focused on truly training up the heart over just being in control how would that look?

For me it looked a lot like not getting super worked up because Zara wouldn’t do something and losing control which then makes two angry people and we are definitely not getting anywhere at that point… Being less focused on control but more on the heart it’s easier to have patience with your kiddos. A couple months ago I was trying to get Z to go potty before bed and she was not having it. She would literally not even sit her booty on the potty. After counting down from 5 multiple times, spankings and showing some major frustration I reminded myself to look deeper. Aka, stop the yelling and get creative with how I could work with her to get her to obey me. Minutes after me just shutting my mouth she sat down, then stood back up quickly. I watched as she fought her will of not wanting to go potty (for whatever reason). She did this multiple times. I was reminded in that moment all the things that I absolutely do NOT want to do but know that I have to. There are so many things I fight even on a daily basis of not wanting to do. Things as simple as getting up in the morning or going to work or cleaning up. Just like the will we fight in ourselves, they have the same tiny will they're trying to figure out.

This was so eye opening to me. And directing it back to myself helped me to understand and actually sit in awe of the fact that she really was fighting to do the right thing even though everything in her didn’t want to.

That gave me so much hope. It’s so easy to feel like if they miss a nap or don’t go to bed at the perfect time they are screwed up for life, but there’s so much more to it.

With a new perspective I could sit calmly and praise and encourage her every time she sat down even if it was for a second, instead of blowing up.. And guess what?! My reaction eventually caused her to sit and go potty.

Praise the Lord.

Nothing about her changed, she was doing just as she always had, but what changed was me. My attitude towards her in that moment. A great perspective I carry with me daily now is that she is human just like me. She has bad days, she gets sad, upset. She has to fight not wanting to do things. She is all of me wrapped up into a tiny little body. Learning, growing. And as long as I am my best for her. As long as I show her love and patience that I would like to be shown, she’ll be just fine.

It’s not about perfection, it’s not about looking a certain way (although when you're carrying your child naked out of a dressing room to the car because of a melt down it can be quite embarrassing I know). There’s much more to it. It’s about creating gentle, loving, obedient, God fearing hearts. There will be hard days, there will be great days. I am growing day to day just as she is. I am learning more about myself and life just as she is. Do life with your kids. Say your sorry when you mess up. Instead of putting the blame on them, check your own heart. And good luck mama! Remember there is a world of mama’s out here trying to figure everything out just as you are. You got this!