love is a risk

I remember vividly walking though my divorce God saying "Love is always a risk, but it is the one thing that is always worth it" ​At the end of the day, the end of our lives, the only thing that truly matters is the love that we shared, expressed and gave away.

Over the past year I have learned a whole lot about love and sharing it. I've come to find one of the most heart breaking things in life is to love someone and for them to never be able to actually experience your love due to fear or insecurities, whether the fear lies on the side of the giver or the receiver.

We are all so afraid to be open and honest and vulnerable with people... And this is literally like laying a road block in the relationship. Share your feelings. Share the things your scared of. Share your hurts. Share your heart. Thinking you will get over things or that you can figure it out on your own, or maybe even believing the lie that if they cared they should know without you bringing it up, is only going to create more suffering on your end. This will only push you further from the people you love.

There will be people who out of their own hurts stomp on you or reject you, but you will also find the people who will cherish your heart, who will listen and be curious and understanding. And those people, those are the ones to build your home in. That is the kind of person you should strive to be for others. There aren't feelings left unsaid. There aren't feelings of inadequacy, because you have given people the chance to show you love when you communicate that you have felt unloved or offended. Give people a chance. Fight for love. Fight for relationships. Instead of making assumptions and building up bitterness and pain in your heart, ask questions. Share your hurt. Work through it. Those hurts don't fade away with time, they build up and one day explode, and sadly most of the time they end up expressing the opposite feeling of what you actually wish for. Just simply because we were too fearful to share a thought, fearful of being rejected or the worst of them all, too prideful to expose pain.

You will experience rejection, you won't always get responded to in love... and guess what that's ok. What people say and do to you are direct reflections of themselves, NOT YOU. Take on this concept and I promise you, your life will change. The way you feel about yourself, the way your react when people hurt you will look drastically different with this take. It will be so much easier to let go of hurts and continue to walk in love towards yourself and others. And this teaches you to be more curious and understanding of peoples actions and words, even your own, instead of being judgmental.

I think so many people feel unheard, which can be so painful and lead to things like depression or anxiety or even suicide. I have been on both ends, there were times I should have been curious over being judgmental and there were also times I needed to suck it up and make effort to communicate about my hurt. Isolation is your biggest enemy when you're going through struggles. Even though you want to move away, go hide under a rock, stay in bed all day. I know, I've been there.. don't do it! That's only going to lead you to more suffering. Challenge yourself to get up, meet with a friend. Share your feelings. Write.

We shouldn't be living life with people having no idea about their struggles, their fears, their hurts. We should be sharing and growing with them daily. Communication can be a scary thing, but it is also one of the most HEALING things. Even if their isn't a situation resolved and there are just thoughts shared, that still builds trust. That still brings closeness and understanding. Communication creates loving relationships that allow for the other to be heard and understood, EVEN when it looks complete opposite of your perspective. That is what creates value. Trust. Healing.

I challenge you to ask someone close to you what's on their mind. How they are feeling. What their goals are. There shouldn't be any one human being who feels their feelings don't matter. There shouldn't be people in our lives who feel as if they've lost their voice. Our love and curiosity should act as a healing tool to start building up people and encouraging them to share what's on their mind so that we can best love each other. So that we can have REAL authentic relationships where both parties feel deeply loved and understood.

Let's create a generation that instead of hiding our thoughts or guilt and shame, feels comfortable with sharing and expressing them. Let's cut out the judgement and share true love and care for others.

How beautiful of a world would it be if each one of us made it our mission to create strong authentic relationships where there was such an underlying expression of love that feelings were shared without fear of judgement. Be sensitive to other peoples feelings. It should never be "my way or the highway". Everyone has a reason for the things they feel and say and do. Next time you get an opportunity to judge or assume, try to understand.

Vulnerability doesn't always look pretty. It doesn't always look how we thought it should, but there is nothing more attractive and comforting than raw honesty and openness in a relationship. Looking pretty or seeming a certain way doesn't create deep roots in a relationship. Honesty does. Ugly truths. Struggles. Hurts. Tears. That's what a great friendship looks like. That's what a great relationship looks like.

We live in a world where we make assumptions before asking questions.

Let's ask questions not assume.

Let's be curious not judge.

Let's care for people more than we care what we look like.

Let's be more focused on listening to people than we are "fixing" people.

It may not be what we find all over social media but "pretty" relationships are not going to cure the burning desire we have for connection and love. We create connection over doing life with people. Ups and downs. The suffering. The celebrations. All of it. Love is not circumstantial. It is forever. It means getting uncomfortable, it means taking risks. And doing all of these things is what creates a fulfilled heart which leads to a life worth living.

"Love is always a risk, but it is the one thing that is always worth it"