it had to happen

There are so many things that we don't know about in life, there are so many things we wonder why about. There was a time that was really dark in my life, I remember explicitly feeling so much emotional pain that I felt it physically as well. I felt like there was no way I could live another day. I remember laying on the bathroom floor crying to my mom telling her that I didn't want to live another day. I didn't want to live anymore because I didn't think I could physically handle anymore pain. I felt so bad I remember thinking I didn't even want to experience joy ever again, because of the thought that it could potentially end in pain. The only reason I could give her worth living was Zara, my baby girl. That's what kept me hanging on. 

I sometimes wonder how different my life would have ended up without her. Where I naturally wanted to freak out and think how am I supposed to take care of a baby when I can't even take care of myself, my thoughts were quickly twisted into would I even still be alive if it wasn't for her? For her sweet little smile that was like sunshine through my darkest days, for her little giggle running through the house reminding me joy still existed. I think God specifically placed her in my life because He knew the trials I would walk through, and he knew I would need a reminder of hope during that season of my life. 

I think that it is so awesome that God knows what we will go through in life and he always allows us a way out. He has prepared our hearts with everything that we need to walk through struggles. Now don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean you won't experience pain or that as christians we are exempt from struggles, it just means we are fully equipped when they come and that we have an escape route, HIM. How gracious of a God He is to give us tiny little blessings during our walk, like for me a sweet daughter, that would help push me to be strong and live and move forward. 

Sometimes what we think is the "easy way out" is nothing more than that, the easy way out. Not the fulfilling, full of love, life that God has planned out for us. We so naturally want to push away pain and hardships, and rid of it as quickly as possible but in all reality these are the most pivotal moments in our life. Feel them, be curious of them.  Stay strong and patient through your struggle. It is so worth it. I would have missed out on so much joy and experiences and loving relationships had I given up when I really wanted to. 

A message that really changed my perspective on everything was from Steven Furtick titled "it had to happen". I was stuck in such a battle with myself trying to figure out where I went wrong, was there even hope, would I ever be happy again or was my life a complete failure. When I finally decided to become content with where I was in life and not look at it like a failure or mistake, but consider maybe everything I was going through was necessary to get me to where God wanted me to be. To get to the blessings He had waiting for me on the other side. To become the person I was supposed to become, so that I could faithfully walk out His beautiful plan for my life and enjoy it to the fullest. When I look at it that way, I would do it all over again. I believe our biggest struggle in life has the possibility to launch us into our most beautiful destiny. 

I'm so thankful for a God full of grace, who has prepared the way for us. Who allows us a way to blossom through our struggles.

If we keep steady and trust in Him He always provides a way out and takes care of us.

I am a walking testimony of his love and grace. 

I'd quite possibly not even be alive if it wasn't for His love and graciousness. 

In His word we can find everything we need to find peace, love, hope and fulfillment in life.. We just have to be willing to give up the reins of control and trust that everything works together for good. I truly believe that making that decision is what gives you the freedom to move forward. You have to make a decision to hand over things like what you thought things were supposed to be like, or what you thought your life was supposed to look like. Love yourself enough to accept every aspect of you whether it's circumstantial, emotional or physical, and watch how being acceptive opens up a whole new perspective and light to your life.